How does one sum up all that they have been through for the past
fifteen months in one little blog? I have been racking my brain this
past week writing and re-writing, trying to best express my feelings. I
tend to want to tell so much and end up with pages and pages of
rambling thoughts in an order that only I would be able to decipher. I
would love to sit down with a writer to help enable me to focus all my
thoughts and stories to share. This will have to suffice for now! Enjoy!
It has been a monumental past year. We went into this not knowing
what the outcome would be, and learned it exceeded all expectations! I
personally went into this with trepidations, anxieties, and self doubt. The
decision to return to something I left so many years ago was one that
was not to be taken lightly. I had so many questions going through my
mind. I obsessed to death all the things that would happen to me,
and how I would handle this reunion.
The day I drove to the studio to meet up with the guys had to be
one of the longest drives in history for me, I was beyond
nervous. After meeting up with everyone and spending some quality time
together I realized not much had changed between us. It was at that moment I knew I had made
the right choice. The journey ahead was official. There was no stopping the momentum.
There was so much work ahead for all, and would require lots of
time and energy. I flew out to Los Angeles with Jordan and stayed at Donnie’s house. I
figured it would be a quick trip but ended up not really coming home
until now. Our time there was the perfect opportunity for us all to
begin reconnecting. I hadn’t really kept in touch with anyone over the years,
Donnie being the one I had lost all contact with. It was a whole new
world for me, all over again. Long days rehearsing, and being coop’ed up
in doors. These things had become very foreign to me. There were plenty
of times I would ask myself “What am I doing”? If I hadn’t had the
reassurance and support of the guys to keep me going, I don’t know what the outcome would have
been today. We had all been through this before and knew amongst
each other the feelings we were all feeling! The pressures, and the want
to be the absolute best we could be! For me the pressure was ten fold.
I hadn’t been on a stage or in front of an audience since the early
nineties! “Could I really pull this off”? I would ask myself over and
over?” As time passed very quickly, I slowly gave into it all and found I was enjoying myself.
After we had pretty much everything in order we headed overseas. We had
such a great time in Europe doing promotion for the album and the tour.
The days were extremely long. We did so many visits to radio and television stations in so many
countries. It was an amazing way to be able to see the sights along the way and
to meet so many interesting people. Filming the cameo for the movie was
even more amazing. I had never been on a movie set, and to be on one in
an old castle was truly incredible! This was where we came up
with the name for the album, sitting around a table in that very castle.
Returning from Europe It had been almost one year since talks began
about putting this reunion together. We were ready to take the show on the road, and were now on
our way to Toronto to begin the last week of
full rehearsal. My head was still spinning, knowing we were about to
perform our first show, and in realization of how far this had
progressed! I had been to so many concerts after my NK’s days, and
always left with them with an empty feeling in my heart! Something deep inside me
really missed it all, and now it was reality. I had many sleepless nights that week
in Toronto, as I’m sure we all did. Walking into the venue and seeing our stage for the first time was
so surreal! It was a sight to behold. A trophy for all the work, the
sore muscles, the absence of home, the longing for family, and the
dedication of all that had worked so hard to put it all together!
Opening night had finally arrived. I was thankful to have my family and
loved ones come to give me comfort and support. It was the most amazing
yet fearful day I have had in a while. This was now going to be my
life. A life the total opposite of where I had been the last many
“Go for house lights, go for house lights, go for house
lights”………. this is the first thing we hear at the start of every show. House lights dim and we
scurried into position to be hoisted up on the stage, all together
again. The lift slowly rose as we gazed upon a sea of flashbulbs, and the excitement of
thousands of dedicated fans from around the world. There are no words
to describe that moment. It was a feeling that found its way deep into
my soul and brought the most euphoric feeling into my heart! I thank
you all for that truly magical moment. It will be with me forever!
As the end of the year is fast approaching I look back at many things.
I have a new found respect for my partners in crime and a realization
that if you put your mind to something, fear will not get the best of
you. Fear can stifle you, but it doesn’t have to hold you down
completely. I am blessed to have lived so many moments and experiences.
I am blessed to have been able to see the world again. Most
importantly, I am blessed to have all of you back in my life!
The journey has only just begun. I wish us all an incredible trip…………..
Love and respect,