But she does a pretty good job of making me feel like she does. I
believe she knows there is a connection. She keeps it very simple when
she talks to me. Partly I think because she knows that she can't quite
remember but is still witty enough to know that she doesn't want to make
it any more confusing than it already is for her.
I think she is past
the most scary part- realizing she is "losing her mind". She knew
something was happening. And at first I thought it was just my mom being
dramatic. But looking back a few years, her behavior was strange. And
soon it was clear that she was slipping away. That mostly showed up in
her feeling scared and not wanting to be alone. I remember in the fall
of 2008, she said something very profound and sadly poetic.
She said,
"me and the night don't get along." I thought that was quite a lyric. My
mother was as witty as they come. She wrote tons of poems and parodies
of songs. Mostly for co-workers leaving for another job or for
cast-mates at the end of a show she was in. Or for my sisters' bosses or
workmates. She would whip something up in an evening. She could do it
all. Of course she had and raised 9 kids so that says it all. And I
don't want to keep saying WAS because she still IS. She still has here
one-liners.
She is still sweet and very interested in what you are
saying. When I saw her last December at my sister Carol's Christmas show
at the fabled Footlight Club, she was so into the show. I enjoyed
watching her as much as watching the show. If you didn't know she had
alzheimer's, you wouldn't think it. She was very in the moment- happy to
see my father introduce my sister, but also zinging him saying to
herself, "he's awful". And watching each song- liking some and loving
others. But a few minutes after, I asked if she liked the show, and she
answered, "what show, dear?" That kind of sums up where she is right
now. I am no expert and I am 3000 miles away, but she is doing ok for
someone at her stage of this disease.
My mother was a force and could do
so many things. Now she is very slow. But through all this there is a
bitter sweetness. I hear story from my siblings- how sweet she is and
the simple loving words she says to them. And that is true. There is
still a person in there. And she is alive and still working it out. I
think she still knows that she has some kind of disease, but she has
moments of peace.
Hopefully, with more funding and the hard work of all
involved, we can find a cure so that alzheimer's will not affect
generations to come. This disease affects the whole family. My mother is
so fortunate to have the care she has, but so many are not as lucky.
I
will be running the Hollywood Half Marathon on April 7, 2012 in her on
honor and all those affected by Alzheimer's and to raise awareness and
funds for alz.org.
Thank you for always supporting me in anyway you can- in your thoughts and prayers and deeds.
xo-jm
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